Today I felt like making a more comedic post, and this picture a friend of mine posted on facebook said it all! For those of you who in the past have owned dogs or cats, this just hit the spot. The best part for me is the fact we owned a dog and cat like these, at the same time.

Try to picture a 12 inch long Maltese dog, named Toby. Hyper, barely trained, with the spirit of a Doberman if any foreign person shows up he doesn’t know. In truth, I was baby sitting a full-grown Alaskan Husky, which more than once Toby declared war on. My little thirteen year old body could barely keep the beast, inversely named Princess, from catching our family dog as Toby would dive under the kitchen table, still yammering relentlessly. The beast in full pursuit.

Now at the same time, we owned the largest cat I’ve ever seen (not counting wild ones of course) named Matilda. As you can guess by her name, she ran things around the house. At 26 pounds in weight, she’d sit down on the couch and relax, individual fat roles slowly settling outwards like a puddle of fur until she consumed an entire four-feet-by-four-feet couch cushion. At 22 inches in circumference and 26 inches in length, she was as long (tail included) as my littlest sister was tall.

We owned them at the same time, so hyper little Toby always needed a play mate and Matilda just wanted to sit in front of her food bowl and yowl at us until we filled it again. One day, he chewed her tail one too many times and she pinned his head against the couch with one paw and wailed on his head for a good ten seconds with the other. Lucky for Toby, she was de-clawed in the front, so he lived to chew on her another day. Or in this case, about 60 seconds later, once the world stopped spinning.

Matilda was also known for waking one of us in the middle of the night by crawling onto our chest and constricting our breathing. Not for food, not for companionship… But because the most undesirable of events had transpired: The light was not on in the bathroom, and she could not use her litter box without being able to see it.

Sometimes Sebrick, I wonder who trains who in those situations. Especially when you fully grown adults are cleaning up after house pets. What’s the point of a furry companion if you can’t hunt with it?

For the last time Kaltor, the only hunting most people do involves a super market and a credit card. We can look beyond the basic needs of survival. Besides, it teaches kids responsibility.

It teaches them to be soft. I read a newspaper article once urging the public to buy meat from the stores, so that no animals are harmed in the making thereof, as opposed to hunting something on your own. I thought she was kidding, then realized she was serious. Very sad. Some of you think meat mysteriously emerges from nothingness, wrapped in plastic and ready for consumption.

Beats twitching like a jack rabbit whenever you see a deer. No, you’re never getting a license to drive.

Oh come on, it’s SO much easier to just swerve a bit and catch dinner that way. If the creature is stupid enough to jump in front of a moving vehicle, why allow it to repopulate and produce more offspring with similar levels of intelligence? Best to prevent that attribute from spreading to the general populace.

Kaltor, some readers here still see a deer and think “Bambi”. You probably shouldn’t mention eating him too much. I’m just saying, there are no age limits on this blog. Some poor five-year old kid might read about your deer hunting strategies and start bawling. How would you feel then?

Proud that if society collapsed, that kid would know some effective strategies for putting meat on the table.

You are hopeless at times, you know that?

That’s why I have you my friend, now go write another chapter.

 

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